CRUMP AIN’T DEAD
The time has come and gone.
We opened, busted wide open some would say, and then some.
You may be asking "Now what?". Boy, oh boy, do we have something special cookin'.
I have issues spelling theater as "theatre" - it doesn't make sense. Why do we still fold to the British era spelling? I thought this was AMERICA!
Ticket List
Roll of the Dice Tickets - (the theatre equivalent of a creampie)
Buy a ticket - get a random show. You agree with it or you leave.
One Ticket
$25
You get a full ride scholarship to the best movie-goin' experience. For just $25 a ticket you can sit in our plastic seats and deal with whatever we put on screen.
Buckle up because it could be worse. No, we don't have "ADA" compliant seats, but we have some muscle that will lift you out of your chair and place you gently on the floor.
- Not liable for any additional injuries to already disabled and or paralyzed individuals
Two Tickets
$45
Please refer to the previous ticket section; if you disagree with our disclaimer about ADA compliance - get bent idiot lol
Anyways $5 off if you buy 2 or more tiggets.
Random Ticket + Mystery Bag
$55
Our janitor collected some things from around Columbus and threw all that junk in like 30 paper bags. These puppies have everything from catalytic converters to loose diamonds. Try your hand at a random movie and a mystery bag of fun. Oh yeah, if you buy this package you get 2 tickets and a random movie played for you and your plus one.
Mission Statement: Cum, Columbus, Cry
If you want this domain I need $3k - parody