Just added to the DORA! Come get hammered outside The Crump!

The Crump Theatre We will NOT be celebrating Easter!

The Crump Theatre We will NOT be celebrating Easter!The Crump Theatre We will NOT be celebrating Easter!The Crump Theatre We will NOT be celebrating Easter!

Excuse our most recent absence. 

Tariffs got us twisted like some foot binding practices.

Check out our insta for a free kiss on the lips!

About Us

Our Philosophy

Our Philosophy

Our Philosophy

Our team at The Crump thrives to be a highlight of the community. That is why we allowed a random Columbus resident to take over our site.

Media Types

Our Philosophy

Our Philosophy

We've recently graduated from pornography viewings. We literally had to renovate the theatre because it was so messy. Allegedly.

Our Partners

Our Philosophy

Our Partners

Visit Columbusmillerhouse.com

Our newest beverage partner!


Frequently Asked Questions

These are completely real answers to your completely real questions!

A little bit of this a little bit of that.
I’d bet 20 bucks you couldn’t guess our actual purpose. Are we a theatre? An event space? Are those two synonymous? Are we even real? Do your parents love you? Are they proud? How do I buy a domain and stay protected while also pushing the boundaries of modern ethics? 

Supposedly. It really just depends what you define “private“ as. 

To perform a private lesson we require an hour long video describing tou

I mean, you don't necessarily need to wear a dress to come here, but do whatever.

1. It makes me laugh. 2. Nope :)

If interested in claiming the domain contact me via the blue bubble at the bottom right of your screen. Include contact info and we will be in touch.

 If you are with the Crump restoration team, thank you for all your hard work! Parody. 

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